Dishing Out Discipline

The d word..a word that doesn’t really give anyone the warm fuzzies. I am not talking today about the kind of discipline you need to lose those last five pounds, or to buckle down and get your work done so your boss doesn’t breathe down your neck or even the ability to dial in and focus on a task. Today I want to talk about disciplining children.
How do you manage the melt downs, temper tantrums, talking back, and sibling rivalry?
You read books, you hear other parents talk, you may seek advice from seasoned parents about how and what are the best ways to discipline children.
Maybe you don’t believe in discipline for children.
The Latin origin of the word discipline is “to teach”. Teaching children to take responsibility for their actions and that there are consequences for the things they do.

“Studies have shown”…don’t you just love when someone says that and you wonder if they are making it up..below is the proof I found that studies have shown that creating some consequences for your actions, and setting boundaries in the life of your child is not only necessary it’s healthy. Check out these sites for the information that I found:
www.parents.com
www.ahaparenting.com
The Reuben Hill Minnesota Report
Pediatrics and Child Health

To Spank or Not to Spank
I was spanked once as a child and its a clear memory..not what I did but the actual spanking. I have friends that don’t believe in spanking and other friends that read books about how to effectively spank. I’m not going to lie, my hubby and I started using spanking as a form of discipline with our son very early on. One look at the brokenness in his eyes as we tapped his little hand was enough for us. We never spanked another day after that..it is not for us and our family.
I am not saying spanking is bad. I will say that there is a right way to go about spanking if it’s a way of discipline that you have chosen. My friends that do spank their children have passed along this advice: Always explain to your child exactly why they are being spanked, be calm, and after the spank explain to your child once again the reason why they were spanked. My friends have also warned that if you struggle with anger then spanking your children is not a good thing because as adults we can easily be blinded by anger and take things to far.

We are a United Front

When dishing out discipline my hubby and I try to be on the same page. If we disagree with the way that things are being handled by the other we wait until we are alone to talk about it. We try our best to support one another because our kids can pick up on when we are not united and use that to their advantage!

 

Show Grace

People are not perfect, we all make mistakes, and we all need to be shown grace. We have taught our kids from very early on that grace is undeserved favor and even when there are times when they should be disciplined we extend grace to them. 

We weren’t sure how much the concept of grace was clicking with our kids until last week. Our sweet boy looks forward to the weekend where he can cozy up on the couch and watch his favorite show. He works very hard all week to achieve this privilege.  It’s Thursday and he’s wound up, not listening and all over the place. After several attempts to get him to focused I calmly told him that he had lost his privilege to watch his show. He broke down in tears, sobbing. I stood there stunned at the fact that this meant so much to him. He did settle down and did what he needed to do. A little while later I spoke with him and told him I was disappointed about his behavior but I shared that he had worked hard all week and I would like to give that privilege back. He looked up and said, “Thanks Mom for showing me grace.”

 

Take Five

What does work for our family is the take five approach. When there are moments of not listening, or the whining has gotten out of control, or hitting has happened, or unkind words are flying fast we tell our kids to take five. Sometimes they go to their rooms, or sit in a chair in the living room or kitchen. They are not allowed to talk, just sit for five minutes. I set the oven timer and when they hear the buzz they are allowed up. They come on over and we talk, we hug, and they apologize if need be and we continue on. If after five minutes they are not ready they get an additional take five. Usually it doesn’t take any more than 2 take fives for them to be ready to calmly talk.

 

No Dessert

Something else that has been effective in our house is losing dessert. Our kids really care about dessert and to lose that little sweet treat at the end of the day is not cool. My hubby and I found something our kids care about and have chosen to leverage that for those moments where we need to get their attention. 

 

Taking Away Privileges

Birthday parties, hang outs, play dates, or something they were looking forward to doing is what we take away when we really need to. We have only had to act on this one time a couple of years ago and funny enough I can’t remember why.

 

At the end of the day we let our kids know that they are loved and that we want the very best for them. We are here as parents to teach them right and wrong, how to make wise choices, and to help them navigate their journey through life. Sometimes as parents we need to tweak a bit to make sure our kids stay on the right path.

We have found what works best for our family and how we choose to discipline our children at the ages of four, six, and eight. Things will look different in the years to come, but in this season of life it’s what works best.

 

What works best in your family as you raise your children?

 

 

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